Ponderisms
I used to eat a lot of natural foods,
until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.
**
Gardening Rule:
When weeding, the best way to make
sure you are removing a weed
and not a valuable plant
is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily,
it is a valuable plant.
**
The easiest way to find
something lost around the house
is to buy a replacement.
**
Never take life seriously;
nobody gets out alive anyway.
**
There are two kinds of pedestrians:
the quick and the dead.
**
Life is sexually transmitted.
**
Health is merely the slowest possible rate
at which one can die.
**
Some people are like Slinkies.
Not really good for anything,
but you still can't help but smile
when you see one tumble down the stairs.
**
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
**
Have you noticed since
everyone has a camcorder these days
no one talks about
seeing UFOs like they used to?
**
Whenever I feel blue,
I start breathing again.
**
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.
**
In the 60's,
people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and
people take Prozac to make it normal.
**
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,
but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
**
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,
"I think I'll squeeze these dangly thingies here,
and drink whatever comes out?:
Who was the first person to say,
"See that chicken over there?
I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.
**
Why is there a light in the fridge
and not in the freezer?
**
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a song about him?
**
Why do people point to their wrist
when asking for the time,
but don't point to their crotch
when they ask where the bathroom is?
**
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room
when you get undressed
if they are going to look up there anyway?
**
If quizzes are quizzical,
what are tests?
**
If electricity comes from electrons,
does morality come from morons?
**
Do illiterate people get
the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
**
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face,
he gets mad at you,
but when you take him on a car ride,
he sticks his head out the window?
**
Does pushing the elevator button more than
once make it arrive faster?
**
Why doesn't glue
stick to the inside of the bottle?
**
Things to make you go
HHHHmmmmm...
until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.
**
Gardening Rule:
When weeding, the best way to make
sure you are removing a weed
and not a valuable plant
is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily,
it is a valuable plant.
**
The easiest way to find
something lost around the house
is to buy a replacement.
**
Never take life seriously;
nobody gets out alive anyway.
**
There are two kinds of pedestrians:
the quick and the dead.
**
Life is sexually transmitted.
**
Health is merely the slowest possible rate
at which one can die.
**
Some people are like Slinkies.
Not really good for anything,
but you still can't help but smile
when you see one tumble down the stairs.
**
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
**
Have you noticed since
everyone has a camcorder these days
no one talks about
seeing UFOs like they used to?
**
Whenever I feel blue,
I start breathing again.
**
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.
**
In the 60's,
people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and
people take Prozac to make it normal.
**
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,
but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
**
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,
"I think I'll squeeze these dangly thingies here,
and drink whatever comes out?:
Who was the first person to say,
"See that chicken over there?
I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.
**
Why is there a light in the fridge
and not in the freezer?
**
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a song about him?
**
Why do people point to their wrist
when asking for the time,
but don't point to their crotch
when they ask where the bathroom is?
**
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room
when you get undressed
if they are going to look up there anyway?
**
If quizzes are quizzical,
what are tests?
**
If electricity comes from electrons,
does morality come from morons?
**
Do illiterate people get
the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
**
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face,
he gets mad at you,
but when you take him on a car ride,
he sticks his head out the window?
**
Does pushing the elevator button more than
once make it arrive faster?
**
Why doesn't glue
stick to the inside of the bottle?
**
Things to make you go
HHHHmmmmm...
Very funny! Had I known you'd like it, I could've sent it to you! Are your little door steps in school?
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:24 PM
hey, it's the lazy man's post...
School has begun, and so has the fall baseball league...
what are door steps?
Posted by
Peakah |
11:20 PM
Door steps are a group of kids who are each about a head taller than the next one.
Posted by
Anonymous |
5:03 AM
Good stuff, Josh.
BTW, I'm crushed that you took me off your "sista" list.
*sigh*
Posted by
kateykakes |
8:44 PM
OMG, my bad, have been doing some very light blogging this summer. No offense hon, I've just been lazy lately. Will be fixed ASAP! (thanks for the smack upside the head, my wife will testify that I need those now and then)
Posted by
Peakah |
10:16 PM