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Thursday, September 28, 2006 

Retirement Options

You can live in Las Vegas where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
3. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when
you open your oven door.
4. You can awake to the sounds of leaf blowers at 4:30am daily.
5. You can buy an insurance clause to cover damage done to your car by those sign swinging idiots on each street corner.
5. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and HEAT STROKE!!

You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature".
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
makes you multilingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
construction.

You can Live in Texas where...
1. You can rent a movie, buy beer and bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean,
or Mary Beth.

You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at
the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football but instead something that is burning.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
different!"

AND You can live in Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you seem to be driven by headless people!

That was really funny! Like the bald guy with the pony tail and the plural y'all - all y'all! hehe (Actually, I say all of y'all!)

Peaks, Brah that was funny!! Have a great weekend!!

You can live in Pennsylvania and . . .

1. Elect morons like John Murtha and Ed Rendall.
2. Watch your largest city's sports teams tinkle away divisional leads.
3. Make fun of the Amish.
4. Run to the supermarket and horde eggs, bread, and milk at the first flake of snow.
5. Have your neighborhood protected by idiots like me.

yeah Wyatt! That's what I'm talkin about!

That's really funny. I think I'll move to the Mid-West...anything is better than Jersey at this point.

But here are mine:

You can live in NJ and...
1. Elect a homosexual governor and not know it (yet one of my students told me about it a year before it broke).
2. Elect an old, senile senator after he is in an election for like a minute.
3. Talk with a Southern accent, have Confederate flags, and off-road vehicles if you are from South Jersey.
4. Eat pork roll and egg sandwiches.
5. Have two NFL teams unwilling to admit they play in NJ.
6. For good measure...have a state "mascot" that is a devil.

Loved it, Josh. Good stuff.

RT: nice work, that is classic... oh and what in the world is pork roll and egg sandwiches?!

If you have ever had an Egg McMuffin, you are close to what it is.

It is scrambled egg, pork roll(Canadian bacon), and cheese on a kaiser roll. I prefer the Egg McMuffin, but in Central Jersey, where I teach, they are quite popular the way I described....a staple, to be honest. Well, then there is Scrapple. You'll have to look that one up to believe it...root word scrap.

I literally had a student walk up to me after class (totally unsolicited and out of the blue) and say to me, "Ms. ****, you know, the gov. is gay, his wife knows...." and them some other stuff I don't want to repeat in public. I played it off to avoid a very awkward situation.

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