In Case You Were Wondering
Adventurous... Slept with everyone.
Athletic... No breasts.
Beautiful... Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure... On medication.
Free spirit... She’ll go through your medicine cabinet.
New-Age... Body hair in the wrong places.
Outgoing... Loud and Embarrassing.
Voluptuous... Very Fat.
Large frame... Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate... Stalker.
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I’m upset you idiot!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. Nice dress = Nice cleavage
4. I love you = Let's have sex now
5 I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
6. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
7. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit. = I'm gay
MAN LAWS (In case you missed the meeting)
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When he is peeling an onion.
(b) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(c) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
3: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
4: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink with an umbrella when you're sunning on a tropical beach. It must be delivered by a topless model. It must also be free or bought for you buy the babe three deck chairs down.
5: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
6: Don’t wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
7. If you ever come late and your wife is standing there with a broom. Under no circumstances say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"