Peakah's Provocations...

Anywhere he wants...

Taking advantage of his new found mythical fame from internet jokes, he has decided to shed some light on who he really is. You better not laugh or a roundhouse may fly out from your monitor.

Ok ok, really, there is a heartfelt and passionate column written by the Man the Myth the Legend himself up on WorldNetDaily.

He even shares some of his favorite jokes...

"When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."

"Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants."

"Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris."

Some of my personal favorites are:

"Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard."

"Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent."

"Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits."

"Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of 'beard'. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths."

"Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs."

"Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull."

"Chuck Norris can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right."

"Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier."

I know, we've all heard these before but they will always be funny! Realizing an opportunity to be listened to by all, Chuck Norris goes right to the heart of really matters to him...

Let me illustrate using a few of the claims being made about me in the various lists of "Chuck Norris Facts":

Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "Faster than a speeding bullet... more powerful than a locomotive... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris' warm-up exercises."

I've got a bulletin for you, folks. I am no superman. I realize that now, but I didn't always. As six-time world karate champion and then a movie star, I put too much trust in who I was, what I could do and what I acquired. I forgot how much I needed others and especially God. Whether we are famous or not, we all need God. We also need other people.

If your whole life is spent trying to make money and you neglect the people important in your life, you will create an emptiness deep in your heart and soul. I know. I fell into that trap. I dedicated my whole life to fame and fortune. I had a huge hole in my heart and was miserable until I met my wife, Gena, who brought me back to the Lord.

Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live."

It's funny. It's cute. But here's what I really think about the theory of evolution: It's not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.

By the way, without him, I don't have any power. But with Him, the Bible tells me, I really can do all things – and so can you.

Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever."

There was a man whose tears could cure cancer or any other disease, including the real cause of all diseases – sin. His blood did. His name was Jesus, not Chuck Norris.

If your soul needs healing, the prescription you need is not Chuck Norris' tears, it's Jesus' blood.

Again, I'm flattered and amazed by the way I've become a fascinating public figure for a whole new generation of young people around the world. But I am not the characters I play. And even the toughest characters I have played could never measure up to the real power in this universe.

...ok that's all true and all, but he can still break your face with a roundhouse... do not tempt the Chuck Norris!

Stories like this make me sick to my stomach but what's worse, these stories are happening as you read this... SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!! THIS IS INFANTACIDE!!

Throw-Away Babies
By Sharon Hughes

What do some hospitals do with babies that are aborted but still alive? Throw them in the ‘dirty room’. What happens if a nurse reports such treatment? They’re fired. What happens when hospitals violate the Born Alive Infants Protection Act and falsify legal documents? My guest, Jill Stanek, a nurse-now journalist, who goes where few women dare to go...bravely exposing the abortion industry's true face, talked with me about this on the show today.

She told of a nurse named 'Abby' who had an experience very similar to her own when she found an aborted baby boy that was still alive in the hospital 'dirty' room, left unattended to die. She reported this incident as well as other similar ones, but sadly, babies are aborted alive more often than is known...even to the mothers.

There are doctors who, as in the case above, falsify records instructing nurses to enter 'zero-zero' for the baby's vital signs, when in fact, the baby is very much alive. No attention is given to these babies to keep them alive, but rather they are disposed of in some of the most inhumane ways, as Jill described one aborted alive baby who was put in a bio-hazard bag and thrown out to die.

The Born Alive Infants Protection Act that Pres. Bush signed into law is being violated, and even when reported, little is being done to prosecute violations.

This is barbaric! There is no other word for it. Giving an abortion. The baby survives the abortion. Doctors and nurses do nothing to help it. Just leave it to die. But then, that's the point of the abortion, right? No baby.

As Dr. Kelly Hollowell writes in her book, "Struggling for Life",

"The most dangerous time in any child's life is his or her first nine months. That's because abortion takes one out of every four children conceived in America, making the route from womb to tomb very short for millions of unborn boys and girls."

Some abortionists and clinic workers are willing to talk about their experiences in the industry, such as in the following quotes gathered by Abortionfacts.com

"They [the women] are never allowed to look at the ultrasound because we knew that if they so much as heard the heart beat, they wouldn't want to have an abortion." -Dr. Randall, 'Pro-Choice 1990: Skeletons in the Closet" by David Kuperlain and Mark Masters in Oct "New Dimensions" magazine

Every woman has these same two questions: First, "Is it a baby?" "No" the counselor assures her. "It is a product of conception (or a blood clot, or a piece of tissue). . .How many women would have an abortion, if they told them the truth?" -Carol Everett, former owner of two clinics and director of four, "A Walk Through an Abortion Clinic" by Carol Everett ALL About Issues magazine

"I was trained by a professional marketing director in how to sell abortions over the telephone. He took every one of our receptionists, nurses, and anyone else who would deal with people over the phone through an extensive training period. The object was, when the girl called, to hook the sale so that she wouldn't get an abortion somewhere else, or adopt out her baby, or change her mind. We were doing it for the money." -Nina Whitten, chief secretary at a Dallas abortion clinic under Dr. Curtis Boyd

"If a woman we were counseling expressed doubts about having an abortion, we would say whatever was necessary to persuade her to abort immediately." -Judy W., former office manager of the second largest abortion clinic in El Paso, Texas

"We tried to avoid the women seeing them [the fetuses] They always wanted to know the sex, but we lied and said it was too early to tell. It's better for the women to think of the fetus as an ‘it’. -Abortion clinic worker Norma Eidelman quoted in Rachel Weeping

"I have seen hundreds of patients in my office who have had abortions and were just lied to by the abortion counselor. Namely 'This is less painful than having a tooth removed. It is not a baby.' Afterwards, the woman sees Life magazine and breaks down and goes into a major depression." -Psychologist Vincent Rue quoted in "Abortion Inc" David Kupelian and Jo Ann Gasper, New Dimensions

"Clinic workers may say they support a woman's right to choose, but they will also say that they do not want to see tiny hands and tiny feet....there is a great difference between the intellectual support of a woman's right to choose and the actual participation in the carnage of abortion. Because seeing body parts bothers the workers." -Judith Fetrow, former clinic worker from San Francisco quoted in "Meet the Abortion Providers III"

"One night a lady delivered and I was called to come and see her because she was 'uncontrollable.' I went into the room, and she was going to pieces; she was having a nervous breakdown, screaming and thrashing. The other patients were upset because this lady was screaming. I walked in, and here was this little saline abortion baby kicking. It had been born alive, and was kicking and moving for a little while before it finally died of those terrible burns, because the salt solution gets into the lungs and burns the lungs too. I'll tell you one thing about D& E . You never have to worry about a baby's being born alive. I won't describe D & E , other than to say that, as a doctor, you are sitting there tearing, and I mean tearing- you need a lot of strength to do it- arms and legs off of babies and putting them in a stack on top of the table." -Dr. David Brewer of Glen Ellyn Illinois

"I got to where I couldn't stand to look at the little bodies anymore" -Dr. Beverly McMillan, when asked why she stopped performing abortions

"We know that its killing, but the state permits killing under certain circumstances" -Dr. Neville Sender, abortionist

You can read more admitions here.

As this incredible well-known picture shows, taken by photographer Michael Clancy, it's a baby that's in the womb. A little human life. Dr. Joseph Bruner, Director of Fetal Diagnosis and Treatment at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, Tennessee, was performing surgery on a 21-week-old baby while he was still in his mother's womb to alleviate the effects of spina bifida.

When Dr. Bruner had made the incision for this extraordinary operation, baby Samuel reached his tiny hand out of the uterus and clutched Dr. Bruner’s middle finger. See picture of Samuel Armas, after he was born here.

I don't care how politically incorrect it is to talk about this. I don't care how many pro-choice liberals, feminists et al disagree with and get mad about what I've written. These practices are unnatural, barbaric, and unbelievable that doctors and nurses could perform such acts...that clinic workers would lie to vulnerable women about what abortion really is 'for the money.' If these 'procedures' were done to any other human being, other than a baby in the womb, they'd go to jail for murder.

But then, we've passed laws saying it's okay.
© Sharon Hughes 2006

From Improbable Research

The Ig Nobel Prizes honor achievements that first make people laugh, and then make them think. The prizes are intended to celebrate the unusual, honor the imaginative -- and spur people's interest in science, medicine, and technology.

Some of the 2006 IgNobel winners:

-- BIOLOGY - Bart Knols of Wageningen Agricultural University in the Netherlands, the National Institute for Medical Research in Tanzania and the International Atomic Energy Agency in Vienna, Austria and colleague Ruurd de Jong for showing that the female Anopheles gambiae mosquito, which carries malaria, is attracted equally to the smell of limburger cheese and to the smell of human feet.

"We have shown that three different Anopheles mosquito species prefer to bite different parts of a naked motionless volunteer and that this behavior is influenced by odors from those body regions," they wrote in their report, published in the Lancet medical journal in 1996.

-- ORNITHOLOGY - Ivan Schwab of the University of California Davis, and the late Philip R.A. May of the University of California Los Angeles, for explaining why woodpeckers do not get headaches.

-- NUTRITION - Wasmia Al-Houty of Kuwait University and Faten Al-Mussalam of the Kuwait Environment Public Authority, for showing that dung beetles are finicky eaters.

-- PEACE - Howard Stapleton of Merthyr Tydfil, Wales, for inventing a teen-ager repellent -- a device that makes a high-pitched noise that is annoying to teen-agers but inaudible to most adults; and for later using the technology to make cellphone ringtones that teenagers can hear but not their teachers.

-- ACOUSTICS - D. Lynn Halpern, Randolph Blake and James Hillenbrand of Chicago's Northwestern University for a 1986 experiment aimed at discovering why the sound of fingernails scraping on a blackboard is so irritating.

-- MATHEMATICS - Nic Svenson and Piers Barnes of the Australian Commonwealth Scientific and Research Organization, for calculating the number of shots a photographer must take to almost ensure that nobody in a group photo will have their eyes closed.

-- MEDICINE - Francis Fesmire of the University of Tennessee College of Medicine and the team of Majed Odeh, Harry Bassan and Arie Oliven of Bnai Zion Medical Center in Haifa, Israel who both published studies entitled "Termination of Intractable Hiccups with Digital Rectal Massage."

Ummm... how is the inital thought for this experiment produced?? Too many hours in a lab with the same people??

Nevermind!

Finally a Political Ad that's True:

A friend of mine turned me on to this forum where there is pretty free discussion on a huge range of topics. It's very well put together and has a super-cool Arcade and Casino area.

How in the world am I supposed to get my papers done now!?!

Sign up for this forum here.
There's a great Virtual Senate you can run for a seat in...

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. ! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

What words of wisdom Cliff!

In the spirit of the Claven Institute of Useless Knowledge, I wanted to know more about the number of my newfound age, the number 32...

32 is:

the smallest number n with exactly 7 solutions to the equation φ(x) = n. It is also the sum of the totient function for the first ten integers.

the atomic number of germanium... naturally not to be confused with geranium...

the freezing point of water at sea level in degrees Fahrenheit

the number of variations in Bach's Goldberg variations

the number of completed, numbered piano sonatas by Ludwig van Beethoven

in the title and lyrics of the song 32 Footsteps by They Might Be Giants

the number of teeth of a full set of teeth in an adult human (not including hockey players or soccer hooligans), including wisdom teeth

the size of a databus in bits: 32-bit

the winning car number of Ray Harroun in the inaugural Indianapolis 500 in 1911

in chess, the total number of black squares on the board, the total number of white squares, and the total number of pieces (black and white) at the beginning of the game

the code for international direct dial phone calls to Belgium

retired number of L.A. Lakers Magic Johnson's jersey

O.J. Simpson's uniform number (or the number of motions it took to decapitate Nicole)

the age of Jesus Christ when he was crucified and subsequently the year AD that Saint Peter traditionally becomes first pope

pump water up an open tube and it can be raised to 32 feet - at that point cohesion is lost and the water column will break or cavitate

according to the U.S. Census Bureau of places in the United States with the word "eagle" in their name

the short form of ThirtyTwo, a producer of snowboard footwear

For further useless knowledge, cuz I'm kool like dat:

On this date in 2032:

Assassination of John Connor by a T-850 series Terminator, in the Terminator movie continuum

the movie Demolition Man takes place during this year.

demons from hell successfully establish a hellgate and use it to invade London in the computer game Hellgate: London
--this may have already happened--

Events of 1932:

British arrest and intern Mohandas Gandhi and Vallabhbhai Patel

Hattie W. Caraway becomes the first woman elected to the United States Senate

Pierre Laval forms a new government in France

About 6 million unemployed in Germany
--not much change there eh?--

Japan occupies Shanghai

Japanese warships arrive in Nanking

General convention of disarmament begins in Geneva

League of Nations again recommends negotiations between the Republic of China and Japan

Pope Pius XI meets Benito Mussolini in the Vatican City

Adolf Hitler gains German citizenship prior to elections

Charles Augustus Lindbergh III, the infant son of Anne Morrow Lindbergh and Charles Lindbergh is kidnapped (ten weeks after his abduction, the infant son of Charles Lindbergh is found dead in Hopewell, New Jersey just a few miles from the Lindbergh's home)

Eamon de Valera is elected President of the Executive Council. It is the first change of government in the Irish Free State in 10 years

the Revenue Act of 1932 is enacted, creating the first gas tax in the United States at 1 cent per US gallon (0.26 ¢/L) sold

bans against SS and SA overturned in Germany

1932 Summer Olympics open in Los Angeles

first positron is discovered by Carl D. Anderson

first Venice Film Festival

actress Peg Entwistle commits suicide jumping from the letter H of the (then) Hollywoodland sign

Mohandas Gandhi begins an hunger strike in Poona prison

Buck Rogers in the 25th Century airs on radio for the first time

U.S. presidential election: Franklin D. Roosevelt defeats Herbert Hoover in a landslide victory

German president Hindenburg begins negotiations with Adolf Hitler about the formation of a new government

in Washington, DC, the FBI Scientific Crime Detection Laboratory (better known as the FBI Crime Lab) officially opens

the Cipher Bureau broke the German Enigma cipher

Saudi Arabia is declared a unified nation with Ibn Saud as a king.

Earthquake in the Kansu Province in China - 70,000 dead

Zippo lighters invented

Republican Citizens Committee Against National Prohibition established for repeal of prohibition in U.S.

Edward Kennedy, Johnny Cash, Elizabeth Taylor, Debbie Reynolds, Casey Kasem, Sonny Liston, Mario Cuomo, Pat Morita, Donald Rumsfeld, Patsy Cline, Jacques Chirac, Little Richard, were born

John Philip Sousa and George Eastman died

And in 32BC: The Roman Senate declares war upon Marc Antony and Cleopatra; Caesar Augustus is proclaimed dux and the West swears an oath of loyalty to him. In order to assure this oath, Octavian publishes what is purported to be Antony's will and which bequeaths all Eastern lands to Cleopatra.



Uhh, thanks Cliff... I'll buy the next round big guy...

I got it!

My wife, her mom, and her sister all chipped in to get the gift I wanted most for my birthday! I must be one of the luckiest guys in the world to have met and married into such an amazing family.

Do you think this would go well in my future classroom?
Unfortunately, it would most likely get me fired...

My wife and I are off to a suite at the MGM Grand to kick back by the pool take a day off from life and genuinely enjoy each other's company.

I'll actually be able to kick back relax and watch the Yankees game tonight!

Well, I did it again. I'm taking classes to finish up my Bachelors that was started over 14 years ago. Some of you know I grew up near, and went to school for a few years at, Syracuse University- the school I always wanted to attend growing up in Upstate NY. After the Bioengineering program ate my lunch and spat it out at me, I took a few years off and did some work in construction and eventually jumped into the Air Force to get my head screwed on straight.

When I left the military to opt for the family life, I knew I had to finish what I started. I was there in Albuquerque so I dove back into school at the University of New Mexico. I did school part-time as I worked at the Albuquerque Biological Park while procreating at an alarming rate. When my wife and I had 5 kids in 4 years I knew it was time to elevate my pay grade! (as well as get cable!)

We moved to the Las Vegas valley at the end of 2002 right after my baby girl was born. The jobs paid more and there was much greater opportunity to be exploited in the booming Vegas job market. Unfortunately the amount of hours I worked didn't allow for the coexistence of schooling and sanity.

Recently I've really got to thinking about what I really want to do with myself. My job of the past several months has been very successful and full of promotional opportunity, however it still doesn't seem to satisfy a deep seeded desire.

When I was working out of my house during the calendar year of 2005 I became addicted to my kids. I wanted to be a part of everything they did. I wanted them to know that they could rely on me to be there for them. I loved helping them with their homework, teaching them how to play baseball, and just good ole fashion goofing around. The bond I established with them that year profoundly affected me. So much so that I have reevaluated the course I want my life to take.

I started a new job where I am now working 10 to 12 hour days 5 days a week. I go to work right before my three boys go to second grade and don't get home until about 5 minutes before their bedtime. I no longer get to help them with their homework. I no longer have the energy to clown around and play with them like I used to. However, I do have a stable job with benefits and promotional opportunities. It just feels like I'm missing something.

I decided to dive back into school. I am now studying to be a teacher. It's going to take at least 2 years at one night a week to finish up my Bachelors but I'm going to finally do it. I want to be off of work when my kids are out of school. I want to be there for them when they experience the horrors of growing up in the maddening junior high school culture. I want to know the parents of the kids they decide to hang out with. I want to be inimately involved in their educational development. I want to turn them into the men (and the woman) that will be a great father (and a great Mother). Most of all and most selfishly, I want them to be proud of me.

My career choice isn't going to pay off financially but it will provide my heart with the satisfaction of knowing that I'm going to be a father who was there for his children. Perhaps there's a measure of selfishness in that, but it seems to be the type of selfishness that is positively based as far as their futures go.

As far as my sanity goes? I'll need all the blessings available to withstand the pressures of completing my new assignments- all the while maintaining the high standard I set for myself at my place of employment. Thankfully I have an amazing wife who is completely behind me and totally understands my motivation, despite our potential future financial strains. She understands that it is more important to be devoted to the raising of the next generation than it is to be accumulating wealth. If there was a way to incorporate the two I sure hope I discover it! Nonetheless, I admire the respect and motivation she provides me as I tackle this new goal.

Wish me luck for I'll desperately need it... now it's time to get a couple of papers written!