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Tuesday, April 04, 2006 

Bulletin! Bulletin!

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

----------------------------------------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
----------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
----------------------------------------------------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action
Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
----------------------------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of those things
not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your husbands.
----------------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has
been canceled due to a conflict.
----------------------------------------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
----------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
----------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,"
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
----------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know
it, we have a nursery downstairs.
----------------------------------------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after
which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
----------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
----------------------------------------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in
the church hall. Music will follow.
----------------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
----------------------------------------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to
the addition of several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones.
----------------------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles
and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
----------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along
with the deceased person you want remembered.
----------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining,
super entertainment and gracious hostility.
----------------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and
medication to follow.
----------------------------------------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
----------------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing
in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
----------------------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall
after the B.S. is done.
----------------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
congregation would lend him their electric girdles
for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
----------------------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at
7 PM. Please use the back door.
----------------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
----------------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
----------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"

Pretty funny there Peak.

I like the hell/choir one.
Thanks for teh funny, Peakah!

They must be funny if Doc thought so!! Funny stuff Peak!

Come hear our choir practice. Ha, that's about right. lol

Great smiles - needed an update on one of these lists! ;-D Yet maybe I forgot most of these by now and don't recognize them anymore.

Yeah it was an email I read a year or so ago and laughed my butt off...

It rolled around again and wanted to lighten things up considering how frustrating the current events have been!

Freaking hilarious! ("gracious hostility". heehee)

I'm going to be wiping Diet Vernors off my keyboard for a while...

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  • I'm Peakah
  • From White Mountains, Arizona, United States
  • ...this isn't who it would be, if it wasn't who it is...
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